Written in Rough Park on a knoll overlooking Coalbrookdale

 

Lost and Found

Evolution of a Mountain        A particle meditation.

 

Floating, dreaming - streaming to infinity -

Softly tumbling - bubbles in the cosmic lamp,

Waving goodbye,

Particles part,

In peace,

 

Isolation

Kyak Loneliness

What am I doing!?

Where am I going?

Do I make anything add up?

Do I feel anything ?

There must be more than this infinity

 

Eons of time pass like this and then,

There in the darkness dimly glows a flickering heat

I feel the pull of a same particle and we gently bounce

Together.

We merge and we feel stronger.

We speed up a little, as we whirl and drift

Towards this fascinating glimmer.

 

What is this?

That brings heat into my environment?

I cannot resist the attraction

After all the eons of cool dispassionate nothingness.

 

Zap!

Another particle jumps on, and we spin away-

At a new angle.

Hey I this is getting exciting ! ­

Haven't seen so much action for ages!

 

We feel the heat pull-guide us online again

And we speed up a little more.

 

Zap! Zap!

Buffet and click!

I am quite a different thing altogether now!

Reactions and compressions, growth and contractions,

Breathing and stretching, expanding and condensing,

Speed becomes breathtaking, un-countable, un-see-able

I feel out of control, but who am I ?-

Who was I ?

 

I am something else, but I remember who I was.

I cannot explain the chemistry

Between my little ole' particle and the new space travellers

Who merged with me and made me greater -

I do not have the language.

 

Now I feel a great suction, and pressure,

I am spiraling and so many particles vortex on,

They squash me and I cannot see the heat glimmer anymore,

Or where I am going.

I am warmer with their enclosure of me,

And snuggle down and luxuriate in this cosy

Togetherness.

 

But (there's always a "But"!) -

Now I begin to feel

Suffocatingly hot.

I can bear this no longer and explode out

 

Whee! - I shoot up like a cascade of diamonds

Into cool darkness.

Whoo! - I can breathe again!

And feel spaced-out air flow around me.

 

What am I saying?

I WAS the air before that little adventure!

What am I now?

 

Well I am gaseous again, but have a different coat and colour

 

Hmmm ! what happened to that heat glow I was fascinated by ?

Am I still in that warp ?

As I lazily tumble, I spy it, and feel that it is very gently

Drawing me in once more.

 

Wap ! Wow! Hey Fella! - what's your game?

Ok! - I get it - that's going to be the pattern from now on,

Well, let's see what happens this time !

I'm game for another risque, exciting new adventure!

I can always blow it out if I don't like it - can't I ?

I have this centred strength, this power inside me now,

I am free - aren't I ?

 

Yes! Yes! - others like us and some new types too,

Are getting on board our space raft, and the weight of us is

Speeding us up and we're spinning away on another spiral.

 

Gee ! it's hot. I'm melting!

Help !

Woah! Woahah ! - squidgy liquid, bulging, melding,

Smooth and glossy,

Gold and turquoise,

Hot and red,

I'm sorry mate, to cover you up - I just can't help it!

We are all mixed up inside each other,

New colours forming and some still remaining.

Suddenly I become aware that we've slowed down -

Well, to 66,000 miles per hour, anyway.

 

I just take it all in

Resting, - idle and slow for now.

Feeling the rumbling, bouncing, vibrating, wobbling

Jelly path rhythm we ride.

 

BANG

 

A shockwave shudders through us,

One of many we will feel, on our everlasting journey.

 

We settle down again,

Jumbled up together even more chaotically now,

Element forced into element, layered, bent and squeezed

Into each other.

I'm breathing new smells, feeling new sensations,

Reveling in the grind and glide, the slip and slide,

The hard edge of energy against energy,

The delicious blending and flexing in hot magma.

How many tastes come into my mouth, Oh Ecstasy,this is you!

 

Who was I? - so little and lost -­

Now I am ALL of you all, and taste everything you have touched.

As Elephants make love for 3 days at a stretch,

And foreplay involves imbibing information through the trunk

And breathing in knowledge

Of the locations of nutritional mineral licks,

Of great feasts, of ancestors and loved ones from their bones,

We are making love now, all us particle elements,

In this gassy, information-sharing alchemical soup.

 

I become aware that we are moving in a circle, or nearly,

Building up static and feeling magnetic tension.

 

It's getting hotter, and I'm getting restless,

I want to itch and scratch, my energy is pulsating.

I long to break out ­-

To feel the cool breezes and float through the charcoal softness

Of ancient familiar peace and silent humming emptiness,

Boring though I might have thought it then!-­

And to see again the melon-gold glimmer that I never reached,

Winking at me across the millenia...

 

I try to wiggle myself through my mates, to heave and push,

To shape-shift through this crushing, hot, stifling

Viewless furnace.

 

I try to sense the air, the surface,

To struggle away from the coke hearth.

A crackling and groaning rends my ears,

A tearing and ripping, and deep thunderous reverberating.

I feel a rift in the pressure,

A fissure, a fault line I can slip into -

I am streaming myself through it,

A snake rearing up to the firmament,

A liquid lingham ~ grown from molten earth

Reaching for the light of heaven

Tantric re-connection

Lighter and lighter as I sprint,

Exhilaration thrills through me ­

Chasing up from my hot tail

To roar out 'HAAAH' from my mouth -

 

Now I am free again, free from all that weight,

And suddenly I'm blinded, blown apart -

In a motion-slow explosion -

Works of Fire !

 

But what is this ?­

I am not able to fly on and out into infinity -­

As in my ancient memory…

 

I free-fall-back out and collect about my source - ­

Gathered in by some invisible force.

I slow and steam and cool and harden.

Now I am a craggy heap, three jagged peaks -­

Heads reaching for cool cosmic winds to fan my brain

Body deeply seated in earth's warm womb.

 

I see a white-gold orb,

Radiating brilliance, warming my cold hardened crust.

This must be the twinkling melon ball that seduced us in.

All that journey time ago while I was in the heart of my aggregate -

Warming up, building the furnace, cycling in the dark,

Bump-flying along, we were drawn closer,

Closer to its magical solar energy.

 

For endless time I meditate on this new form I have

Yang- ized with all my mates, indivisible now it would seem.

 

Dusks and dawns are fabulous,

I see the heavenly blue and feel the cotton wool mists,

The rain and wind and ice.

I soak the golden orb by day and

Bathe in moon and star light through the night.

Oh joy! Oh life! Oh celebration of creation !

 

My bum is warm, sitting on the furnace core,

My brain is cool and clear, sitting in the ether

And collecting messages from all around the cosmos.

Oh Heavens ! - it's so beautiful, ­

I want to tell a friend, I want to share the excitement,

I need to use my energy, my centredness, my rootedness, my joy -

 What can I do, - I am bursting with creation !

I am lonely and stuck.

Like Amon, I need a mate, someone to share my love,

To fracta1ly increase creation's celebration,

To free me up to move, mountain though I am.

 

I grow sad, and the rain washes my crust down my body

Like thick muddy tears.

They dry in my wrinkles, catch in my rough skin,

Stick in my crooks and crannies.

Oh Heavens! - how you change me !

What do you have in store for me next ?

Did you plan this evolution ?- do you know the sequences?

I am like a blind old man, helpless and stone

Under your Symphonic Variations.

 

I love them, but I am subject, and must study to accept.

My mood must follow your whim or plan,

Else I will weep futile tears of anger and resistance.

 

Your rain pours down and fills my lap,

And takes my weathered crust

Like an ever-sloughing snakeskin.

I watch as element mates slide away,

I feel the peel,

And wave good-byes that remind me of ancient cosmic farewells.

Are they so very different?

It is a cyclical pattern -

But how different the manifestation!

 

Your rain rises and rises and soon I am half beneath it.

A new world of wonder begins to tickle and slither

Paste and rub my body.

Oh delicious Bliss! - this reassures me once again,

That past cycles will return,

But re-inspired with new knowledge.

When element and particle were conjoining in the furnace

That got so hot! - but this is cool and calming.

I feel a prlckling in my upper wrinkles,

Sense a fresh energy in the air,

See a billion thousand sharp green spears arise.

Some, tiny, stay close to my body,

Some spread over me like an algae skin,

Others grow away out of me, split, branch, sprout leaves

And trillions of spectrum-brilliant flowers,

That alchemate to fruits and seeds

And repeat the cycle - differently, for zillions of years.

 

They grip my body hard

Suck me like they need me -

And drop their gifts onto my skin.

A soft rich humus covers me and caresses me

Like a mother wrapping her baby in a shawl.

 

The birds and insects that crawled out of rain's oblation

And flew into the trees of my hair,

And nested in my new coat,

Sing like their hearts would burst,

And when night comes I hear a whisper in my ear....

"Hello! It's me, Mother Earth !

You don't know me very well yet,

And yet you always did !

 

Oh Father, Lover, Steward, Son

Thank you for my life.

I have dreamed and dreamed and wished and wished

For your love, your strength, your arms,

Your lap to lay my head in, Your love to blossom out of

Everything I have ever learned, grown, suffered, won and lost

Has brought me to this point of understanding, appreciation

And readiness for You.

This is Synchronicity.

 

I have needed you so much,

To birth me and to feed me, - to empower me

To blissful, dancing, ever-growing ecstasy.

Let me love you, let me suck you, let me lie on you,

Let me feel you under me, let me warm you, let me cool you,

Let us flower, let us sing and soar and fly,

Let us sleep close, soft breathing harmony,

Let us share the cosmic joy together.

I ask with deep respect,- in awe of your power,

Resources of strength -

Mobilizable soliditiesl

 

I ask in trepidation, lest you refuse my love,

And un-create me now -

Trembling with joy in the springtime of my birth.

 

Yet I know you cannot refuse -

Or else destroy your own love, need and self -­

For you manifested me yourself - out of your own desire

To see and share your joy in another-

To shake your mountain, multiply your bliss,

To help you dance free through the firmament again

Transpiring gases to space

And sculpting new shapes solidly down here -

So I'm Shakti ~ around your Shiva

And you are Shiva - ever in me

 

 

newena martin